A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with

the kind of

story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions

were perfect.

 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over,

"Tell me when

we're having fun" kind of day.



One of the women in the group complained to her husband that

she was in

dire need of a restroom.  He told her not to worry, that he

was sure

there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in  the form

of a powder

room for female skiers in distress.  He was wrong, of  course,

and the

pain did not go away.  If you've ever had nature hit its panic

button in

you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't

help

matters.



So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options.  Her

husband,

picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since

she was

wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the

woods.  No one

would even notice, he assured her.  The white will provide

more than

adequate camouflage.  So she headed for the tree line, began

disrobing

and proceeded to do her thing.



If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know

there is a

right way and wrong way to set up your skis so you don't move.

Yup, you

got it.  She had them positioned the wrong way.  Steep slopes

are not

forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without warning,

the woman

found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through

the trees,

somehow missing all of them, and into another slope.



Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants

down around

her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while.  She

continued on

backwards, totally out-of-control, creating a n unusual vista

for the

other skiers.  The woman skied, if you define that verb

loosely, back

under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.



The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull

up her ski

pants.  At long last her husband arrived, put an end to her

nudie show,

then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski

patrol, who

transported her to a hospital.



In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an

obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers.  "So,

How'd you

break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.



"It was the darnedest thing you ever saw," he said.  "I was

riding up

this ski lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes.  There

was this

crazy woman skiing backward out-of-control down the mountain

with her

bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and pants down around

her knees.

I leaned over to get a better look and I  guess I didn't

realize how far

I'd moved.  I fell out of the lift."



"So, how'd you break your arm?"