Adopt A Player

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-



With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your heart to

help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball Association

basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below

the seven-figure salary level (Atrocious!) And, as if that weren't bad

enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a

whole year--as a result of the current lock-out situation. But now,

you can help! 



For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the

cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help a basketball

player remain economically viable during his time of need. This

contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the

yearly league minimum, but it's a start! 



Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a

basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation

spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven

hundred dollars is nothing more than two months rent or mortgage

payments. But to a basketball player, $700 will almost replace his

daily salary. 



Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy

that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a

new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio. 



HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING? 



Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the

player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds,

401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to

your home. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the

$5 million lump sum he will receive upon retirement. 



Plus upon signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of

the player (unsigned - for a signed photo, please include an

additional $50.00). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you

of other peoples' suffering. 



HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING? 



Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who

just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know

your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a

special operator just in case additional funds are needed for

unexpected expenses. 



YES, I WANT TO HELP! 



I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. My

preference is checked below: 



[  ] Starter

[  ] Reserve

[  ] Star (Higher cost)

[  ] Superstar (Much higher cost)

[  ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a

      specific team (Cheerleaders not included.)) 

[  ] I'll sponsor a player most in need. Please select one for me. 



Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for a reserve

player or starter for the duration of the strike. Please send me a

picture of the player I have sponsored, along with a team logo and my

very own NBA Players Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel. 



Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______ 

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover

Signature: _______________________ 



Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 

1-900-2MUCH now to enroll by phone. 



Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have

sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not

limited to, telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Keep

in mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will be much too

busy enjoying his free time, thanks to your generous donations. 



Contributions are not tax-deductible.





Return to the jokes page